Bangkok Bananas 02 May Pics

Bangkok Bananas 2009 : Art and Culture Festival. 

Quit smoking journey # 3

I'm out again tonight...
With Jeff and Marty.

None of them smoke.
This given me a total difference feeling from yesterday.

Not much of the craving, even tho I drink same amount of beer.

It's only 2 weeks.
But the result is very noticeable.
My skin getting better and better now.
And I feel great physically, I don't get tired so easy anymore.

This is good... so fast I become healthier.

Wanna work more... I have more energy for it now.

This is gonna be fun.

Quit smoking journey # 2

It has been 2 weeks now without cigarettes... yep yep yep.
I had a big challenge for my quit smoking journey this evening.
It's the first night out... since the last time I smoke.

I went to a photography event, slide show and many photographers.
Of course... many smokers.
It's killing.....
Seeing them lighting cigarettes in front of me, one of them even blow it on me.
Ah... the smell of cigarettes.
Still appealing as it used to be.

Luckily Jeff was there with me tonight.
So... I survive the battle

I was quite envy to see cigarettes on other people's hand.
I reach my pocket and feel my pack of gum.

Very difficult it is...
But I will be ok...

I will won this battle this time, I know it.

I dreamed a dream : Thank you Susan Boyle

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high,
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used,
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.

And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

****************************************

For the most beautiful yet sarcastic event I have ever witness on Youtube video.
Thank you Susan Boyle

You are so inspiring for many people in this small world.

Thank you.

Click here to watch Susan Boyle

Quit smoking journey # 1

08 April 2009 03.00am
I had my last cigarette.

Same day in the afternoon, I had a meeting with my adviser.
We talked about my motivation of quitting and how we gonna get there.

Martin Lever ( aka Marty) my adviser, he was a heavy smoker before
he smoked for 20 years ( mine is 11years).
Now he quit totally, he is also a vegetarian and he exercises regularly.

Back to my motivation.
Well, it has been years that my family keeps yelling, begging that I quit.
They don't like it obviously...

My boyfriend doesn't smoke and actually he don't like smoker.

He try to look beyond it and put up with me anyway.
I would say many people in my life put up with me even tho they hate smokers.
I should be grateful for that.
Still, none of these people has anything to do with my motivation.
Even though I do love them very much, but there is one thing I will have to remember is
I could never accomplish this by put my motivation on pleasing anybody else but myself.

So... it must be all about me.
I start to smoke when I'm 18.
I will be 30 this year.
I think this is the time.

I don't wanna look old... and I think it will be nice for others to see that I look good.

I had a weirdest idea since I'm 13 that I will die when I'm 30.
Time past, I grown up a lot and I learned that the idea of killing yourself at the age of 30 just because you don't want to be remembered as an old woman is kinda stupid.
So... I choose to live and try to look young.

It has been 6 days and a half now since my last cigarette.
There is a lot of craving, sometime strong, sometime quickly gone.
Marty suggest that I use nicotine gum for now.
He told me that what I'm addicted in a cigarette is only nicotine but there are thousands of chemical stuffs that bad for my body come with it.

So every time I have the craving I reach for the gum.
It taste nasty at first, and I'm not suppose to chew it all the time.
Chew and feel the nasty taste, stop, hide it under your tongue, chew again when nasty taste gone, keep doing that and try to keep it in your mouth for about 20 mins each time.

Now I get used to the gum and it's kinda boring.
One of the reason that I wanna quit smoking is because I bore with it too.

I talked to Marty everyday, tell him the symptoms such as I wanna kill my boyfriend and my chest hurts (which he explain that because my lung and my heart not used to lot of oxygen).

For his opinion I'm doing well, cause no matter how much I wanna smoke I still don't.

So...hopefully I can quit for good this time.